Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
