I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Randomize
