Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize