I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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