So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
