okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
