I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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