No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
