All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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