sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
