I need to stop coming to work sober
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
