Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
