the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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