What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
