Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
