i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
