I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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