Please, let me fuck your mom
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
