Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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