maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
