You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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