So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
