I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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