is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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