Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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