so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
