Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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