I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
