Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
