i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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