My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize