i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
