Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
