I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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