That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
