In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
