operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
