matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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