apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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