he laminated a picture of his dick.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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