I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
