Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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