i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize