I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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