I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
