Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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