YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
