haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
