Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
