thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize