I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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