Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
