That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
