Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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