Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
