i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
