I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize