Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
