I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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