She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
