I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
