he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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