you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize