I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
