i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
