Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize