Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
