I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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