Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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