Did I show you my penis last night?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
