i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
