I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
