is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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