how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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