A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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