I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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