If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
