at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize