How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I have feelings that need drinking.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
