RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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