I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize