I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
