he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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