You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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