my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
