Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
