Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
my sisters under your porch take her home
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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