I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
