If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
