Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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