so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i dont even know how to be here
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
